Moms, Stop Carrying the Weight of the World on Your Shoulders

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If 2020 has left you feeling even more overwhelmed as a mom than usual, you are not alone. Our new normal has been incredibly difficult for women – especially moms. Moms are being asked to be moms, employees, and teachers all at the same time.

According to CNBC, “In fact, 74% of U.S. mothers say they feel mentally worse since the pandemic began. […] The report, which gathered responses from more than 3,000 millennial moms between March 9 and April 23, found that 97% of moms between the ages of 24 and 39 say they feel burned out at least some of the time, with the pandemic only making things worse.”

Moms were already used to doing more than their fair share, but the pandemic has exacerbated it to an unhealthy degree. We cannot keep carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. We have to find ways to release our grip and ask for help.

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The Mom Mental Load

Even if you don’t know what the mom mental load is, you’ve likely been carrying around your own. Slate explains, “Sometimes called the ‘third shift’—following your first shift at work and the dinner-and-homework shift once you get home—it is the planning, scheduling, negotiating and problem-solving work that goes into running the business of your family. The mental load is the behind-the-scenes work that makes anyone in your family showing up to anything (dentist appointments, volunteer shifts, play dates, child’s birthday party) on time, properly dressed and if necessary, with gift in hand, possible.”

As natural caregivers, moms tend to be the ones that do most of the caring – meaning we are the ones who care about the way the house looks, how our kids are dressed, if they are healthy and happy, who gets which present, and so on. We fill out the school forms, talk to teachers, and arrange carpools. We schedule well visits and dental cleanings. We go Christmas shopping and birthday shopping.

It. Is. Exhausting.

And that was BEFORE the pandemic.

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How to Stop Being the Family Micromanager

If 2020 has taught us anything, it is that we are resilient. We do not need to micromanage everything in our homes or have jam-packed family schedules. Here are some things you can do to decrease the weight of your mom mental load.

  • Share the load. It’s time to ask for help. You do not have to carry the entire load yourself. If you are married, ask your partner to help you. Point out some of the things that take up brain space and ask him to take over, such as scheduling doctor’s appointments.

  • Let go of perfect. If you don’t get the dishes done, your family will survive. Let go of having a perfectly cleaned home. Your mental health is a bigger priority than dusting the blinds.

  • Stop comparing. There will always be another mom who seems like she can do more than you or is more capable than you. So what? Stop comparing yourself to other moms and focus on making your home a place your kids want to be (and all that requires is your love and attention).

  • Release some control. Sometimes, moms are responsible for the weight on their shoulders because they can’t release control. For example, maybe you fold the laundry because your spouse doesn’t fold the way you like. Does that really matter in the long run?

  • Know your limits. Learn to recognize your limitations. If you are verging into unhealthy territory (such as not sleeping), it’s time to assess and see what part of the load you need to drop.