How to Say No the Right Way
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One of the biggest struggles for many women is saying no. I struggled with saying no, but I have gotten much better about it over time. However, I had to recognize that it was hard for me to say no first, then I had to be intentional about saying no. I know I’m not the only one.
According to The Swaddle, “Human relations and interactions are quite reliant on reciprocity, which makes us feel that not obliging socially, will threaten our bonds with people. […] Amid our struggles to fit in and be liked by our peers, we worry that saying ‘no’ might make those same peers reject us. The fear of saying no also stems from the urge to avoid conflicts, or confrontation. Another reason why people tend to worry about saying no is because they don’t want to disappoint others, or hurt their feelings.”
If you relate, use the following tips to learn how to master the art of saying no.
Know How To Identify A Clear No
First things first – you need to know when saying no is the correct answer. Here are two ideas I use to help me decide if my answer is a yes or a no.
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. I’ve found this one is especially helpful for social activities. For example, “Hell yes, I want to go to brunch!” versus “Yeah sure, I’ll go to dinner on Friday after a super busy work week.”
Whenever you say “yes” to something, you say “no” to something else. Or vice versa. Saying no to staying later at work means yes to dinner at home with the kids. Saying yes to a relaxing day at the spa with my girlfriends means saying no to Saturday morning chores. What do you need more?
Remind Yourself It Is Okay to Say No
It is much easier to say no if you know and truly understand it is okay to do so. Ask any woman who has burned herself completely out from saying yes too many times. Remind yourself it is okay to say no and that if someone doesn’t accept your no, you don’t need that kind of toxic person in your life anyway.
Add a Compliment
People are more receptive to the word “no” if it is cushioned with a compliment.
For example, “You do such an amazing job with this charity event every year, but unfortunately, I am unable to participate this year.”
Be Gracious
Treat being asked as an honor instead of a burden.
For example, “Thank you so much for thinking of me! While I would love to support the school in this way, I don’t have the space in my calendar this spring.”
Provide a Reason
While I don’t think you owe it to anyone, providing a reason is a good way to ensure the person asking will drop it. With that being said, don’t give them the whole story if you don’t want (or need) to.
For example, “I have to say no. I am swamped with work, extracurriculars, and taking care of my aging parents.”
Get to the Point Without Being Rude
There are some moments when a short and sweet no is all that is required, such as when you are asked to do something by a stranger.
For example, “Sorry, but no” or “Sorry, but I can’t help with that.”
Consider the Future
If you genuinely would like to say yes but simply can’t for some reason, leave the door open for the future.
For example, “Sadly, I have to say no. My weekends are booked for March, but please ask me again in April.”
Say Yes With Boundaries
There may be times when you want to say yes, but you also know you can’t say yes to everything.
For example, “I can help, but I will need to leave no later than 11.”
Think On It
When you are put on the spot, don’t say yes or no. Instead, simply ask for more time.
“I’ll get back to you” or “I’ll let you know.”
The key here is to really think about it and not use it as a brush-off. Use the time to decide if it is a yes or no. Then, if the answer is no, figure out which strategy to use.
