How to Be There for a Friend When You Can’t Be There

The older I get, the more important my female friendships are to me. It’s hard to make new friends as an adult, so I try really hard to maintain those friendships I already have. But as we’ve gotten older, we’ve spread our wings and moved farther and farther away from each other. Fortunately, long-distance friendships are possible to maintain.

However, when my long-distance friends are going through one of life’s battles (cancer, illness, death, divorce, etc.), there is nothing I want more than to be there with her and give her a shoulder to cry on. But it isn’t always possible to actually be there sometimes. When I want to be there for my friend, but I can’t physically be there, here are some of the things I do.

1. Give Her Space to Talk

Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to – especially if you are going through a tough time. I try to give my friends the space to talk. I call or video chat after the kids are in bed or during lunch break in private, so I can give her my full attention.

2. Order Food

Food is much-needed sustenance, but if your suffering friend lives far away, you can’t drop off a meal on her doorstep or take her to a restaurant. But there are still plenty of ways you can her with delicious, nutritious food from far away. Consider ordering a meal for her via UberEATS or DoorDash. Order grocery delivery to her home address.

3. Send Funny Notes and Texts

Let her know you’re thinking of her by sending her texts regularly. Try to lift her spirits by sending her funny memes or jokes. Snail mail is also a great option.

4. Brighten Her Day with Flowers

Flowers are a wonderful way to show someone you care. In addition to ordering from an online florist, you can also use delivery services like DoorDash to pick up flowers from local supermarkets.

5. Mail a Care Package

Take time to assemble a package of items that your friend either needs or things that will simply show you know her and love her. For example, if your friend is going through cancer treatments, prepare a package with items that will make treatments easier. If your friend is going through a divorce, send her a package of items that give her a reason to remember she will laugh and love again.

6. Hire Someone to Help

If your friend is overwhelmed and can’t do everything she needs to do, find a way to provide assistance from afar. Does she have a dog she can’t walk? Look into hiring a dog walker via Rover. Does she need help with cleaning her home? See if you can find a house cleaning service. Is mowing the lawn too difficult? Hire a landscaping company to do a one-time cleanup.

7. Create a Playlist

A simple and easy way to show your friend you are thinking of her is to create a Spotify playlist just for her. Find songs that will inspire her and encourage her to keep fighting. Every time she plays it, she will feel a little better and will be reminded of her long-distance BFF.

8. Enjoy a Shared Interest

Take her mind off what she’s going through with a shared distraction. Suggest watching a new show together using the Netflix watch party feature. Find a book you can both read and then plan a time to discuss it with one another.

9. Help Her Relax

While you may not be able to go on a girl’s spa weekend with your friend, you can still help her feel pampered from far away. Put together a gift package full of at-home spa supplies. Or present her with a gift certificate to visit a local spa or nail salon for some much-needed R&R.

10. Don’t Wait for Her to Ask

My final tip is to not wait for your friend to ask for help. Too often, we have good intentions and say something like, “Let me know if you need any help.” The problem is that it can be hard to ask for help when you are going through something difficult. Instead of putting it on your friend to ask for help, look for ways you can help her and do them.

What to Get Your BFF for Christmas

The older I get, the more I value my friendships. As we build our own lives and families, our friend circle grows smaller and smaller. But, I can’t imagine my life without those friends who have stuck by me through all the different seasons of life. That’s why I think it is important not to overlook them during the holidays.

As Mandy Hale writes, “Celebrate the people in your life who are there because they love you for no other reason than because you are you.” What better way to celebrate your best friend than to give her the perfect present at Christmas? Here are some ideas to help you find a gift that will show your BFF just how much she means to you.

Something Personal & Fun

You and your BFF likely have tons of inside jokes. You know what makes her laugh more than anyone else – possibly even more than her husband. So, look for a present that is personal and fun, such as a coffee mug with a funny saying from her favorite television show. What does she love? What makes her laugh?

Something Memorable & Meaningful

If your gal pal is sentimental, then look for a gift that is memorable and meaningful. For example, frame a photo of the two of you from when you were younger or give her a bracelet with a special message (such as “You’re my person”). You may also want to consider personalized items.

Something for the Two of You

Instead of giving her physical present, consider giving her an experience gift that the two of you can enjoy together. For instance, book a spa day for the two of you, take a winery tour, or get tickets to a concert. Just make sure the experience is what she wants to do and not just what you want.

Something She Needs But Won’t Ask For

You know her better than anyone, which means you also know what she really needs even if she won’t ask for it. Use this information to give her something special. This may not even be a gift you can wrap. For instance, your friend may need a date night, so offer to babysit her kids. Or, your friend may be overwhelmed with the current state of the laundry, so offer to help her get it all done.

Something She Can Use Over and Over Again

Instead of giving her something that ends up collecting dust, choose a gift that keeps on giving. For example, purchase a year-long subscription for Hulu or Netflix, a subscription for People magazine, or a subscription for FabFitFun. These are gifts she will get to enjoy over and over again.

Something Priceless

Ultimately, the best gift you can give your friend is to be a friend. Give her your time and attention. Listen to her, laugh with her, and give her a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes it is more important to simply “be there” for your friend than it is to arrive with something new and shiny.

This Mother’s Day Celebrate Your Mom Friends

I’m sure this Mother’s Day you will be surrounded by your kids and told how much they love you. Which they totally should because this is your special day! But, this year, I’d like to make a Mother’s Day suggestion. After you have celebrated your own mother and been celebrated for being a mother, take time to celebrate the other mothers in your life – your mom friends.

We All Want to Hear We are Doing a Good Job

Of course we love receiving cards and gifts from our little ones that tell us we are “the best mom in the whole wide world.” But, it is something entirely different to receive compliments about your parenting from other moms. For whatever reason, we easily compliment our mom friends on their purses, shoes, and decorating skills, but we seldom compliment them on their parenting. I know I always feel great when another mom tells me I am doing a good job.

Motherhood is Lonely

Mother’s Day is wonderful, but for many moms, it is a difficult day. For women who have lost their moms or struggled to have children, Mother’s Day can be lonely. In addition, being a mom, itself, is lonely. For instance, found that 90 percent of mothers feel lonely since having children and 54 percent felt “friendless” after giving birth. Yikes! This is another reason why we should make every effort to reach out to the other moms in our lives this Mother’s Day.

Moms Need a Village

It takes a village to raise a child. This Mother’s Day honor the women in your village. Who is helping you raise your child? Who is helping you become a better mother and woman? Not only will you be acknowledging their importance in your life, but you will also be strengthening the bonds of your little village.

We All Want to Feel Appreciated

I don’t know about you, but I really (really) appreciate a sincere thank you. It just feels good to feel appreciated. When my family acknowledges all that I do, I feel like my heart grows three sizes. Since much of what moms do day in and day out goes unnoticed, Mother’s Day is the perfect opportunity to show some appreciation for the other moms in your life. Today’s the day to thank your mom friend for treating your kids like her own.

A Smile, A Hug, and a Thank You Goes a Long Way

The best thing you can do for another mom this Mother’s Day is make her feel seen and loved. We are all working so very hard, and a smile, a hug, and a thank you can go a long day. Who knows? The mom you encounter may be at the end of her rope. Her family may not have made her feel like an excellent mother on this special day. But, if she can tell you are in her corner, supporting her, it can make all the difference.

I wish you all a very Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for walking alongside me during this season of motherhood.