How to Deal with Self-Doubt as a Mom

As much as I can appear on social media to have it all together, I struggle with self-doubt just like any other mom. I think the world has set women up to doubt themselves – mothers, especially. According to Psychology, “Self-doubt has  been  defined  as  uncertainty  about one’s abilities, potential for success, or competence in performance situations.”

How many times have you questioned your abilities as a mom? But, even though it is common, it doesn’t mean we should just accept it. Self-doubt is unhealthy and can actually make it harder for us to succeed.

Here are the 6 things I am trying to do when self-doubt starts nagging.

1. Treat Yourself Like a Friend

Be honest with yourself. You are much harder on yourself than you would ever be to one of your friends. You say things to the face in the mirror that you would never utter aloud to someone you care about. When you start to think bad thoughts about yourself, try practicing self-compassion instead. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, then don’t say it to yourself.

2. Change Your Thought Pattern

Along those same lines, you need to change your thought pattern. If you tend to think negatively (especially about yourself and your abilities), you need to stop. When those thoughts cross your mind, don’t let yourself go there. Instead, change your train of thought and don’t dwell on the negativity.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

A huge problem for moms is that we spend way too much time comparing ourselves to other moms. The comparison trap leads to self-doubt. Speaking of comparing yourself, don’t compare your mothering to someone else’s highlight reel (as seen on social media). Instead of focusing on what someone else does better, remind yourself what you do well.

4. Get to the Root of It

I think it is important for you to get to the root of the issue, too. There are times when it is important to think about why you may be feeling the way you are. Is this an ongoing feeling or something new in this season of life? Could you just be hungry or tired? Is it something you need to talk to a therapist about?

5. Surround Yourself with Positivity

Negative thinking is contagious. If you spend time talking with negative people, it won’t be long until you start thinking negatively, too. In the same way, if you are listening or reading negative things, then your mind is going to be full of negativity. Instead, surround yourself with positive people and ideas.

6. Be Proud (But Not Prideful)

One more thing. Women are taught to be modest, but too often, that means not acknowledging our accomplishments. We’ve all done something that we are proud of. Own it. Hang that certificate on your wall. When thoughts of self-doubt start trickling in, remember what you have accomplished. Begin with the basics – you’ve kept your kids alive. Good job, Mom!

2020 Mid-Year Check-In

Here we are midway into 2020. It is crazy to think back in January we were making resolutions for the new year and being the best goal setters we could be…and then March rolled around. COVID-19 has made the first six months of 2020 feel like an eternity. And, sadly, it has demolished many of our goals for the year.

Instead of beating yourself up over all the things that haven’t gone your way this year because of the pandemic, give yourself some grace. Let’s take some time to reflect on the year so far and consider how we can make the second half of the year better than the first.  

How’s It Looking 6 Months into Your New Year Goals?

Let’s be honest. At the start of 2020, we made some big goals for ourselves. We were motivated and ready to be goal crushers. You might have even stayed on track until March. And, then the coronavirus happened.

Now, some of you took to the first few weeks of the quarantine, making new goals. You were at home, so you were going to work out or cook healthy meals more often. But, then quarantine got old and those goals didn’t seem so important either. Before you knew it, half the year was over.

It’s okay. Do not beat yourself up for not achieving your goals. 2020 is not a normal year. If there is any year you get a pass on goal crushing, it is 2020. With that being said, it is still wise to do a mid-year check-in.

• What have you achieved? Think about what you did achieve pre-quarantine and pat yourself on the back. Consider what you have achieved since the world changed. You might not have achieved what you set out to at the start of 2020, but I’m betting you have done something to be proud of (such as overseeing your kids' virtual schooling while you work from home).

• What challenges have you faced? Obviously, the coronavirus has been a huge challenge for everyone. What coronavirus-specific challenges did you face? For example, did you have a fitness goal that had to be revamped because your gym was closed?

• What goals are now irrelevant? In some cases, the goals you made me now be irrelevant. Unfortunately, the pandemic has put many people in situations they never dreamed they’d be in, such as losing a job or getting a pay cut. Since you could never have predicted this would happen, you might have set goals related to your job that are no longer relevant. If this is the case, let the goals go and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Goals to Prioritize to Finish 2020 Strong

While the year has been a rough one, it isn’t over yet. There is still plenty of time to achieve your goals (or make new ones). Given the circumstances, it is important to make goals that will improve your quality of life and your overall health and wellness. For example, try to think of one goal to make for each of the following: career, mental health, physical health, and family.

How are your goals looking mid-year? What are your plans for the rest of the year?

Quarantine Pampering – With Stuff You Already Have at Home

If quarantine has you missing your beauty pampering, you are not alone. According to reports, “Consumers in coronavirus (COVID-19) lockdown are looking forward to plenty the other side, but beauty therapy tops the ranks – way ahead of eating out, socializing and travel.” We miss getting our hail and nails done and feeling a little bit pampered. I am a fan of spas as much as the next gal, but I understand it may be a while before my spa days look normal. In the meantime, here are some of the things I am doing to pamper myself after a long day working and homeschooling my girls.

Clear Out Old Makeup

Now that I have a little bit more time at home, I am going through my makeup stash and getting rid of old makeup or makeup that I don’t love. At the same time, I am also getting rid of skin care products I no longer use. It is amazing how much makeup and skincare products we can accumulate! By clearing out the excess, it is much easier to find the makeup and products I love and use on a regular basis.

Clean Your Brushes

Along those same lines, this is also the perfect time to clean your makeup brushes. Here is a method from Style Blueprint:

1.       Apply a pea-sized amount of facial cleanser in your palm.

2.       Wet your brush under warm water and swirl the brush head in your palm, in a circular motion, for several seconds.

3.       Rinse your brush under warm water again and massage the brush bristles between your fingers to thoroughly wash out all of the suds.

Maintain Your Skincare Routine

Since we are staying home and not seeing people in person (or at least not within 6 feet), it is easy to let our skincare routine slide. Don’t make this mistake! Instead of letting your skincare routine slip, you should use this time to master it.

Give Yourself an At-Home Facial

There are so many at-home facial products readily available, from face masks to face sheets to face peels. You can order them online or purchase them from a local pharmacy. But, I have a feeling you have plenty of facial products in your makeup cabinet that you haven’t gotten around to using – now is the time!

Befriend Your Tweezer

If you haven’t touched your brows since the shelter-in-place orders were announced, your brows are in trouble. I know many of you are scared to tweeze them, but you have the time to get fully acquainted with your brows. Check out InStyle’s How to Groom Your Own Eyebrows — Without Making a Disastrous Mistake for a step-by-step guide.

Enjoy a Pedicure and Manicure

I’m not quite convinced that an at-home Mani and Pedi is as good as your local salon, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Plus, I do think you can do a better job of your nails than you typically would because you have more time. So, get out all your nail products and take your time.

Watch YouTube Instructional Videos

This is also the time to master a new look. After you put the kids to bed or while they are napping, try to follow along with a makeup tutorial on YouTube. You may finally learn how to contour or create the perfect smoky eye. And, if you mess up, it’s no big deal because no one is going to see you!

While It’s a Pandemic, Stay Calm for the Kids

The world feels a little topsy-turvy right now, doesn’t it? The coronavirus news is overwhelming, and the American way of life (especially those close to NYC) seems to have changed overnight.

While there are countless blog articles about how to protect yourself and your family and what to buy, I think it is also important that parents remember to stay calm for the kids. Kids can sense things are different, and they can tell if mom or dad is feeling anxious.

Here are some reminders of ways to be an example for your kids, even when you are feeling worried.

Limit Media and News

Yes, you do need to stay informed. However, you don’t need to fall down the rabbit hole and spend hours watching the news or reading articles online about the pandemic. As far as the kids, you might want to avoid having the news on the radio or your tv at all (depending on their ages). If too much media exposure makes you feel panicky, imagine how it makes the kids feel.

Stay Connected to Others

We are being told to practice social distancing and to stay at home as much as possible. Some parents have to work from home at the same time their kids’ schools are closed. Even so, you don’t want your family to feel isolated. The best way to avoid feelings of isolation is to stay connected with others. Text, call, video message – do whatever you need to do to hear from someone outside of your home.

Practice Self-Care

The best thing you can do as a mom is to make sure you are taking care of yourself. You won’t be able to be a healthy role model for your kids if you allow the stress to get to you. Unlike other types of natural disasters, you will have power and water. You can take a long bath or do yoga in your own home.

Reassure Your Kids

If your kids are worried, don’t ignore or minimize their fears. Instead, listen to them and then reassure them. Explain what is happening in an age-appropriate way. Make sure they understand this is a precaution. Be sure to remind kids that while things may be different for some time, your love for them will never change.  

Stick to Your Routine

I know it sounds silly to say “stick to your routine” when everyone’s routines are being tossed out the door. But, what I mean is your at-home routines. A little bit of consistency, such as keeping your child’s bedtime routine, will go a long way in making them feel safe.

Break Some Rules

If you have family screen time rules, this may be the time to break them – especially if the kids are home from school while you are working from home. The kids will be alright if they spend a bit more time watching Disney+.

NOTE – If you don’t have Disney+, this is the time to get it.

Pause Before You React

If you have a moment where you start to feel panicked, pause before you react. Find a space away from your kids (such as your bathroom or your closet) to take some deep breaths, cry, or whatever it is you need to do to release some of that anxiety.

Easy Ways to Have a More Quiet and Peaceful Life

Our lives are noisy. Between our busy commutes to and from work and the constant notifications pinging on our smartphones, our daily lives are filled with noise. Not only are they actually noisy, but we are also bombarded with mental noise every day. We have access to more material than ever before (shows, radio, websites, etc.) that it is easy to immerse ourselves in the clutter all day every day.

But, if you are like me, you are ready for a change. I want to bring a little more peace and quiet to my life. And, after researching, I’ve discovered that I am not alone. It is something many of us want but don’t know how to achieve. Here are the best suggestions I’ve discovered.

Silence the Notifications

The fastest way to cut down on some of the noise in your life is to silence your notifications, but for many of us, this may also be the hardest. Did you know studies have shown that we have become addicted to notifications on our smartphones?

Instead of allowing a ton of apps to send you notifications throughout the day, go through your phone and strategically select only those apps which you truly need to receive notifications for. For example, you don’t need to receive every Instagram notification, but you may need to receive notifications from your child’s school. Instead, set aside a time each day to check up on your notifications.

Don’t Make Your Phone the First and Last Thing You See

Another one that will be hard is resisting the urge to make your phone the first and last thing you look at every day. According to a study discussed in Bustle, “They found the number one activity people participated in before going to sleep was using their phone. Not sex, not chatting with their partner, not reading a book — but using their phone.” Yikes!

Here’s the truth – there is nothing on our phones that we need to see before we go to bed or as soon as we wake up. We can take a few minutes to wake up peacefully before we check our phones. Many suggest putting your phone out of reach at night, such as across the room or in your restroom.

Invest in Noise-Cancelling Headphones

If you are like many New Yorkers who have a busy and loud commute on public transit, then you absolutely must invest in noise-canceling headphones. And, even if your commute to work is quiet, then you still may want to own a pair. They come in handy when you need to quiet all the noise around you in the office, at home, or on planes.

Get Back into Nature

In a crowded city, it’s easy to forget what nature is like. That’s why it is important to get back into nature just for the sake of being in nature. Resist the urge to listen to music while you run and instead listen to the sounds of nature. You’ll be surprised at just how good it feels to be present and aware of your surroundings.

Do Your Body Good (aka Exercise)

Exercise is good for you. Period. However, some forms of exercise, like yoga, are fantastic for helping you lead a quieter and more peaceful life. It requires you to breathe deeply and focus, which makes it difficult for your mind to wander. As Elite Daily explains, “The calm that a yoga practice brings helps rid the chaos, frustration and exhaustion that commonly fills the mind.”

Designate One Space in Your Home for Quiet

Lastly, designate one space in your home as your space for quiet. I know this can be challenging – especially for moms with little ones – but it is so very important. Basically, this needs to be a space free of all the electronics that typically clutter our minds (like TVs). For me, my restroom has become my personal sanctuary. I can bliss out for lengthy amounts of time taking a luxurious bubble bath, and it helps me quiet my mind and my heart. Find this space in your own home.

Wellness Needs for Every Woman

There’s much talk about wellness these days, and I am here for it. As women, we too often put our own well-being on the back burner while taking care of everyone else around us. When we do, we feel depleted. When we burn out helping others instead of ourselves, we put our overall health and well-being at risk. Ladies, it’s time to take charge of our wellness.

Healthy Eating

Let’s talk about food. I love food, but I have learned that what I eat really matters. I’m not saying you have to be extreme when it comes to what you eat – I love a savory carb-filled meal and a sweet delicious sugary treat. However, I’ve learned that when I am not balancing my indulgences with healthy meals, it takes a toll on my body. I feel gross. Since I know this is true for myself, I take strides to eat healthier.

Proper Sleep

When you are a working mom, it seems like you never have enough time. So, you wind up staying up late at night trying to get to the things you didn’t during the day. Or, we toss and turn all night worrying. According to Everyday Health, “81% of woman report having problems getting a good night’s sleep daily. When women get a bad night’s sleep, they are 4x more likely to feel irritated or angry.” If I want to smile, I need to sleep.

Regular Exercise

I always feel better after I exercise. I know not every woman feels the same, but regular exercise is important. The American Heart Association recommends, “Get at least 150 minutes per week of moderate-intensity aerobic activity or 75 minutes per week of vigorous aerobic activity, or a combination of both, preferably spread throughout the week.”

Self-Care Management

Another wellness area many women tend to neglect is self-care. Women often feel guilty for taking time to do something for themselves. If this sounds like you, stop it now! I am all about self-care – whether it is a spa day, yoga, or meditation – you need to take time to do something that improves your overall well-being from time to time.

Staying Up to Date with Annual Physicals

Yes, life is busy. But it isn’t too busy for you to skip your annual physical exams (especially not for years at a time). No, they are not fun, but they are absolutely necessary. It is at annual physical exams and mammograms where doctors can identify possible issues. It’s always better to be proactive than find a problem too late.

Work/Life Balance

Finally, achieving a solid work/life balance will do wonders for your overall well-being. According to Everyday Health, “Financial health is tied to our wellness.” Therefore, it is natural for women to work hard at their jobs. However, we should not allow work to be the only thing that defines us or determines our wellness. Instead, it is important to do things outside of work that bring you joy. By having a healthy and happy work/life balance, you will do better at your job and feel better about yourself.

All the 👏 👏 👏 for the FabFitFun Summer Box!

I am all about a good subscription box – especially one as fabulous as FabFitFun! By this point, you have surely heard of subscription boxes, and I am betting you have been tempted to go ahead and order one.

As busy working women (and moms), it is super important to find ways to practice self-care. A carefully curated subscription box, such as the FabFitFun Summer Box, is one of the best ways to do so. Someone else puts together all the self-care items you need!

I recently received my FabFitFun Summer Box, and it is to die for. Today, I’m telling you all about and explaining why it is such a great deal. I have no doubt that after reading about it today, you will be ready to order your own.

What Came Inside

Each season, FabFitFun puts together a box filled with the most desirable items for women. Their boxes are packed to the brim with fun. For example, as soon as I saw the pretty box, I was excited. Once I opened my Summer Box, I was giddy. It contained great things for my face, including facial masks, facial spray mists, and a makeup setting spray. There were also items to help with my travel like a portable blow dryer and fun jewelry! Plus, as a working mom, I was delighted to discover there was also a gift card for HelloFresh, which is definitely what I need when I want to make quick lunches and dinners for the family!

Why It is a Great Deal

Now, while most of us can get behind something as fun as a delivery of must-have items, we can all appreciate a good deal. And, that is why FabFitFun is so popular! I get over $200 in products for just $50 per season box, and it's filled with beauty, wellness, fitness, and even tech. It's a little bit of everything, and it fits every part of my working mom lifestyle! Plus, FabFitFun even lets you customize your box. You can either let them surprise or choose products and add-ons.

How You Can Get an Even Better Deal

Here’s where it gets really good. Inside each box is a mini-magazine that details each product in your box as well as exclusive coupons for brands you find inside the box. But, wait, there’s more! You can use my code to get your first FabFitFun box for even less money! Simply use CHOY10 coupon for $10 off your first box at fabfitfun.com. And, when you do, be sure to tag me in your FabFitFun unboxing pics on Instagram! I can’t wait to see the joy these products bring you.

10 Of My Favorite Ways to Treat Myself

Some days you just have to treat yo’self. After working long hours and coming home to take care of my precious daughters, I have earned a treat. If you are like me, you understand the necessity of treating yourself to something special every now and then. Depending on my mood (and my budget), the way I choose to treat myself varies widely. All that matters is that I am doing something just for me.

1. A Glass of Wine

Some days the easiest way to treat myself is with a glass of wine in the evening after the girls have gone to bed.

2. Fresh Flowers

I love having fresh flowers in my home, so this is one of my go-to ways to treat myself. Their beautiful blooms always brighten my mood.

3. A New Handbag

When I really feel the need to treat myself, I head to Rebag and make a handbag swap. Nothing says “treat yo’self” like a luxurious handbag.

4. Fabulous Footwear

By now, you all know my love for fabulous footwear. The way I most often treat myself is by splurging on the newest designer footwear.

5. Eat Extravagantly

Life is busy, and my meals are often rushed, so when I feel the mood to treat myself, I like to eat well – really well. No microwaveable dinners or fast food. I want fine dining and food I can’t eat every day.

6. Drink Coffee Leisurely

All moms know that we seldom get to drink our coffee while it is still warm, so on a “treat myself” day, I make it a point to enjoy my coffee while it is hot. I head to my favorite coffee shop and linger. No rushing and no waiting until it is too cold.

7. Soak in the Tub

My bathroom is my sanctuary. When I soak in the tub, the kids no the bathroom is off limits to them. This is me-time. Plus, have you heard a hot bath burns as many calories as taking a 30-minute walk.

8. Indulge My Sweet Tooth

We don’t tend to have candy in our house at all times. It is a special treat for the kids, but it is also a special treat for mom. Every now and then, I have earned the right to indulge in my favorite sweets.

9. Lotion Up

I’m also a big fan of things you can do for yourself as a special treat that are also good for you, like pointing on a great body lotion. Lotions are so good for your skin, but they also make you feel good. When it comes to treating myself, I use a lotion that I don’t just every day.

10. Read a Gossip Magazine

Somedays the best way to treat myself is to turn my brain off. I like to do this by reading a trashy gossip magazine. It takes little brain power, but it is highly enjoyable.

What about you? What are some of your favorite ways to treat yo’self? Let me know in the comments!

Why I Don’t Feel Guilty for Prioritizing Me Time

Mom friends, let’s be honest. Prioritizing me time, as a mom, feels wrong sometimes. We don’t talk about it, but we all want it. But, so often we are made to feel like it is wrong to want “me time.” I’m here to say, “No more!”

My life is busy – super busy. On top of taking care of my adorable daughters, I work full time. My days are crammed back, and it sometimes feels like I have no time left in the day to check everything off my to-do list – let alone anything just for me.

But, I have learned the importance of self-care, and I am here today to tell you why you need to start prioritizing me time as well.

Why I Put Myself First

You know the saying, “If momma isn’t happy, nobody’s happy”? As moms, we know this is true! Moms are typically the ones who hold things together in their homes and family lives. When we are tired or upset, it changes the atmosphere in our homes. And, this busy working mom is the most ill when I am tired and have not taken time for myself.

I love my daughters. They are my greatest joy! But, even though I adore everything about them, sometimes I just need some time away from them. I need time to be myself – and not just “mom.” And, when I do take time for myself, I feel refreshed and renewed, and I can go back to being the energetic, loving mom that I usually am.

Think of it this way – the safety message on an airplane always tells you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. The same thing is true for parenting. Before you can take care of your kids, you must take care of yourself.

Take a Few Minutes Every Day

So how do I manage to squeeze in some me time when my life is so busy between work, family, and other commitments? I get it done by taking a few minutes to myself every day. Self-care does not have to be a full spa day (although that would be amazing!). Daily self-care can just be a few minutes you take to yourself to do something just for you that brings you joy.

Other Ways I Practice Self-Care as a Busy Working Mom

To give you some ideas to get started, here are some things I do that are just for me:

Start my day quietly with a cup of coffee.

Mornings are not my favorite, but Dunkin Donuts coffee makes me like them a little bit more. Starting the day by having a nice cup of coffee helps me get ready to face whatever lies ahead.

Spend time outdoors.

I like to sit in Central Park before I go to work. This gives me a few minutes of quiet between the rush of getting the girls ready for school and before I head into work mode.

Get a massage.

When I am feeling stressed or tense, I love to get a massage. I’ve found that even a short thirty-minute massage does wonders when it comes to making me feel more relaxed and like myself again.

Connect with friends.

It takes effort to keep up with your friendships after you have kids – especially when you are juggling a career. But, friendships are so important! Friends remind you of who you were before kids, and the time you spend with them is often the best therapy in the world.

Drink a glass of wine.

I look forward to ending my day with a nice glass of wine to take the edge off. For me, it signifies the end of the daily rush and the start of the relaxation.

Exercise.

As the Elle Woods says in the classic Legally Blonde, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” Add in Premiere Protein and I am good to go.

Pursue my hobbies.

It is easy to push your previous hobbies to the side when your life gets busy after having kids, but it is more important than ever before to do what you love. I love fashion, so I continue to pursue it in my everyday life.

Unplug.

I love my cell phone just as much as the next mom, but I have found sometimes the best self-care involves simply unplugging for a bit and having a conversation face-to-face.

When I Look Good, I Feel Good

Finally, I do not feel guilty about prioritizing myself, especially when it comes to my appearance. I’m not saying you have to look your absolute best every day – that’d be crazy! But, for me, when I look good, I feel good. So, I am intentional about the amount of time I need to get ready each day and what I will wear.

What are some things you do to practice self-care?